Life not working out...

[mrhtbd]

No, no, this is not a depression post, but due to my responses to current irritations I've come to realize that some is not enough.

I have made great strides in the past 5 years, completing 63 graduate credits, raise after raise, remodeling the house to no end, spending time with my kids, but still there is something missing.

For all intents and purposes I should be happy about this and that, etc., etc., and I am, but now is the time to start doing something for myself.

You ever get to the point where you give so much to satisfy other people that you end up drained, frustrated, and with feelings of incompetence? Working all day and studying at night went on for 5 of the past 6 years. In between semesters, it was work-then-remodel, over and over again, and even though I am very satisfied with the product of all three, I find myself with a deep-seated feeling of unsettleness, that the work will never get done, and if I keep at this too long there will never be any real benefit to self.

That's where I'm at right now, and have come to realize that I need to start doing things for myself. It's a sanity issue, not selfishness. In fact, at this point I could give two rat's ass if it is a selfishness issue.

Damn-it I need to exercise some selfishness.
All this give and no take is for the birds.
Don't know where I'll start or what will have
to fall by the wayside but a good place to start
is to get back into the gym.

It's been two months, my forearm strain seems healed (for now),
and if people want to complain my gym time is an act of selfishness
because it will limit my ability to do their bidding or otherwise
then they can take a flying f#ck!
(Chances are they probably need one anyway, I know I do!)

Oh, and by the way, Merry F-ing Christmas!

[Dawgpound_Hank]

Dude, no offence but IMO you need to do a reality check. You know how many millions (or billions worldwide) would trade places with you? You're employed, you can walk, talk, see, hear, think, imagine etc, you got food to eat and a roof over your head. Cliche? Perhaps but real. Just thought you needed to hear that, bcoz it appears you're taking issue with something that seems rather minor relatively speaking. Try thinking about the paraplegic or the kid that is hungry and doesn't know where his next meal is coming from before you think its bad - it will wake you up. Btw, I deal with seeing someone whos close to me thats a paraplegic on a daily basis, so I'm sorry if this post is coming off too strong brutha. Just sayin'!

p.s...Please don't take this post as me being a dick.lol Far from it - I guess I'm just sayin' try to see things more POSITIVE dude and be thankful for the blessings that you DO have!

[mrhtbd]

You are right!
I did some serious soul searching all day yesterday and got some answers.

I guess I wanted to be free to take in life and "put myself out there" (so-to-speak). I wanted to be a bit selfish for once, because I needed it, wanted it, and felt I deserved it, but now that school was done I figured I'd have to put off living until the house was done, and that might not be for 2 more years. I was frustrated, I didn't want to wait that long, but then I figured a way I could start doing the things I wanted for me, and still get the house done, still be involved daily with my family, still improve on the job and still move for the completion of my certifications. It was the method, which I always relied on someone else to give me.

One thing holding me back was; the responsibilities I've collected along the way which are a part of me and which I don't want to shirk. In fact, I want to get them done, because now I have the time, energy, and money, but the me things needed done, too, and I need to get back into training.
That's a necessity, not a filler, which is what it's been for the better part of the last 6 years. It had fallen by the wayside, and even though I have had great moments, Like losing 50 pounds and getting fit again, carrying it to the next level was dropped like all the times before because of time constraints and lack of organization. I need to get it right, finish it, make it a part of me again, get purposeful.

For years I thought it was one or the other, freedom or responsibility. That's why for years I was in the National Guard but ran to the beach to lifeguard in the summers, always trying to get away. Struggling with either for fear I couldn't do both well.

Yesterday I realized I can have both. I'm married and glad to be, but that's not a part of this. Not interested in messing around, that's not the thing. I'm talking about organization of my life, so I can finish the house AND start writing at least one of the five books I have in mind.
What I'm referring to is creative expression. To me that includes getting into a regular weight training program again, starting the books, making a distinct plan for each and sticking to it.

Still love my family and the things I've worked for and created to this point. Even though I shed much baggage (people and things) these past 7 years, I don't want to get rid of the core items and people in my life, just want to take it to the next level. No more going to classes at night hoping for inspiration from others on methods of how to live.

So last night after dinner with the family I wondered, "Where the hell am I going to start?" Well, I wanted to put in the new lower kitchen cabinets and subfloor beneath them next week while on vacation, but have no room to work, so I spent 3 1/2 hours cleaning out the unnessary things in the garage. Now it's an organized work space.

I woke up this morning feeling great, as now the kitchen is something I can see as completed, and not some long, compartmentalized project that drags out to infinitum. I now have a plan and the platform of which to bring it about. This is going to be a major accomplishment, I see it happening, and I will do it. Time to just live and make it happen.

I feel energized and haven't even had my coffee yet, but the results of my soul-searching yesterday let me know that with purpose, planning and organization, I don't need it!

Rant over, point taken, now I'm getting out there for Act I, Stage II (but will still get the coffee first)!

[HOTROCKS]

A metaphoric answer .
When Life is not working out... Try death !

Nope ! Life is great and full of goodness , you just have to look for the good and try your best to ignore the bad .
If not you become bitter to both the good and the bad.

I started meditation over 30 year's ago to sooth my spirit.
It doesn't remove all the obstacles I encounter throughout the day, but it does allow me to look at them in a different view.
If not I would blow a f*#king gasket and go full tilt.
That was the old way.
Moreover, age has allow me to handle/see things differently .
Be kind, and kindness will follow you around.

To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue... gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
Confucius

[John Benz]

Stay positive mrhtbd! Easy to get depressed at the holidays. My ex-wife (Sarah's mom) tried to kill herself 2 weeks ago today (spent 72 hours under a suicide watch lockdown) and Sarah is having a rough time. This has been my slowest season in years, so her Christmas gift list is non-existent. She came up to me a few days ago and said, "Dad Christmas isn't about what you get. Remember money can't buy love." Then she made me a card and wrote , "You're the best and kindest dad in the world. All my love, Sarah."

Her Christmas won't be too skimpy as my brothers have gone overboard and gotten her a new i-pad and all the Hollister and Aripostle clothes she's been drooling after.

[Rocky07]

dude i understand how u feel in the original post. i think we all have these emotions and feelings come over us from time to time. Recently i got to be friends with a girl (who is my age) who lost her grandfather one year and her brother in a motorcycle accident the next. Her brother was 1 year older than me. me and him were FFA officers in highschool together and she went to a diff. school. Their mother was a stripper and an alcoholic/crazy bitch and from the view on my side of the street her family appears "broken". She was married at one time in which she kinda got "f'd over" and from what i can tell was left with nothing. She joined the Guard and right after basic got deployed. lol...however her luck did change for the better when she came back from Iraq alive instead of in a coffin.

she doesnt know it but i actually kind of look up to her. she is in her very early 20's with a brand new F150, and her own house. she pays all her bills, and somehow manages to get out and have fun from time to time. she still has this wall of disbelief around her, doesnt really trust anyone, and is completely hardened by life but she made her success all by herself. she is now goin to school in pursuit of a business degree and is very independent as she was kind of alone in the world for years.

when i think about how shitty life seems to me sometimes i just think about her and how she came up and i think "what would she say/do in this situation?"...and its funny because everytime she gets in some kind of shitty situation when u try to talk to her about it or seem concerned she always just says "i'll be strong!" (guess she got that little phrase from the Army Guard). Its amazing to see a little girl so alone in the world who doesnt bitch, or feel like the world owes her anything...she just sucks it up, gives it her best, and keeps on going. And if she can somehow manage to be happy then by God, all of us can. her philosiphy on life seems to be "when it rains, it pours and when it pours i just put on bigger rain boots!".

just thought i'd share that with ya bud. i am by no means tryin to say u need " to suck it up" or what not. everyone needs to be happy in my opinion but sometimes u have to find ur own happiness. and when u think the world has given u the shaft, well sittin there pouting about it isnt changing a thing and u can bout bet nobody else is gonna change it for u so i guess that makes u the only candidate left lol. whatever happens i hope it happens in your favor bro! Goodluck!

oh and by the way--"you will be strong!"

[b52]

Dude i put myself out for other people so much, and they just don't appreciate it, but that's the type of guy i am. Life is an uphill battle man. Sometimes you gotta do shit that sucks, but you just have to suck it up and push on. I learned not to dwell on things, because if i did i probably would be at the bottom of the charles river after jumping off the bridge. And fuck other people. They don't know what you're going through. It's impossible to please everyone. I learned this a long time ago. So I've learned to just leave it all behind at the end of the day, because i really don't give a shit if someone's mad at me, because it's not worth me getting upset over and ruining my day because someone wants to be an asshole. Go do something for a couple days for yourself, or with your kids or something and just relax. Turn the phone off and just chill. I go way out to the boondocks sometimes where i don't even get reception, when i need to get away, but remember it could always be worse.

[Thate]

When I am feeling down like you are bro I just pick up a Bible and start reading.

[b52]

When I am feeling down like you are bro I just pick up a Bible and start reading.

probably the best advice so far

[John Benz]

When I am feeling down like you are bro I just pick up a Bible and start reading.

Amen! Much respect my brother.

[Dawgpound_Hank]

Amen! Much respect my brother.

Ditto!

[mrhtbd]

Worth a shot, maybe the Sunday Sermon isn't enough in this regard.

[Mr Incredible]

Have you thought of meditation

[Rocky07]

dude im a very unorthadox christian, and im not sure of your religous beliefs but i will say one thing...there is one steroid to life...his name is God. and once God is inside you, u can do anything bro! When life turns into a puddle of poo for ya, try praying...right then, not when u finish what u are doing or when no one is around, cause sometimes he knows u need help getting through, he just wants to hear u ask for it. i can honestly say that i dont pray nearly enough but, i have always gotten whatever i asked for. sometimes God haS given me things/people/etc. that i just didnt know i really didnt want lol. but when it was all said and done he blessed me with a very valuable lesson and some wisdom for the future. and donr think he wont help u bro, cause God made ya, and he knows ur a sinner, not only that he gets to watch u commit all of ur sins and dude still loves ya anyway...so just ask him for help, ask him for some happiness and see what kind of answer u get bro