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ANSWERING MACHINE AT A PSYCH HOSPITAL. .
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health
hotline..."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will
be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press, no one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
address, telephone number, date of birth,
social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down &cry. You won't be crazy forever.
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health
hotline..."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will
be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press, no one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
address, telephone number, date of birth,
social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down &cry. You won't be crazy forever.