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To begin with, I've been a Browns fan since a kid - yeah I know, just shoot me. My most hated team in the mid 90's was Denver Broncos, for obvious reasons, ie, the fumble, the drive, blah blah. This is all pertinent to the story, so remember that.
So it was around '95 or '96, there was a years period where we were working a shitload of overtime, including weekends, so I didn't have time to hit the clubs as I usually did to hook up with chics as I often did when younger. Hence, I said wtf, and did that treacherous dive into the newspaper classifieds/personals/dating section. I didn't figure much would come out of it, thinking that it must be a bunch of losers/fatties/ugly girls if they had to resort to the personals, but damn, to my surprise, there was some hotties on there who was tired of the club scene and curious. The personals actually did me pretty well getting laid with no qualms, well, until this ONE girl from hell!
Sooooo, this one girl I hooked up with was a nightmare come true. No shiznit!
A night I'll never forget. We meet at a restaurant, grab a bite to eat and a couple drinks, and ended up going back to my place. We chilling on the couch, watching a movie, and feeling pretty good from the drinks it wasn't long before the clothes come off.
As I'm laying on top of her, we're kissing and I start to kiss her boobs. After a few mins, she starts crying, saying she can't do this. She reveals that she is married, but separated and going to get a divorce, but still feels awkward bcoz she hasn't been with another guy in 7 years. So I try to lay the ol' DPH 101 smooth talk on her, saying we don't have to "go all the way". I get us a couple more drinks, we continue kissing, dry humping lol, etc etc. I reach down with my hand and she is soaking wet. So being a gentleman, I ask her if she is OK, if all is cool, and she says yes, but still doesn't want to have sex being this is the first date and again, feeling awkward since it's been such a long time. I said it's all good, and ask her if I can fuq her tits haha. She says it's fine. So I do, and right before I get a nutt, I tell her to open wide, figuring she'd prolly say no, but to my surprise she DID, and I jizzed in her mouth and all over her face.
Afterwards, we talked a bit, and she starts saying about how she feels guilty for what we just did, and that she still loves her husband. I tried to console her telling her that if he still feels the same about her and she does him, they should try to work things out being they've been married for 7 years. So she ends getting ready to leave, no plans to hook up again of course, but everything APPEARED to be on a good note. She thanked me for the evening, food and drinks.
Sooooooooooo, here we go haha! Damn I can laugh now, but at the time I was scared shitless! About 4 AM there is a knock on my front door. It was 2 police officers! I believe they were detectives - both dressed in suits, no police uniforms. One male, one female. They asked me about the girl - everything from how we met, to what happened when we were together earlier in the evening. Needless to say I was freaking TF out inside, but remained super calm and told them everything in detail.
So after they hear everything, the female officer said the girl was at the hospital getting her stomach pumped for evidence! Her husband was there too. She said the girl had said that I had forced her to perform oral sex on her. THEN, she added that something just didn't seem right about the girls story - that she had some inconsistencies. She then asked me if I had a room mate. I did, but he was out of town at the time. So thinking I'm going to be arrested and going to jail, I was surprised that they told me they would be contacting me the next day.
Needless to say I didn't sleep a wink after they left, and thinking about all the stories you hear about innocent guys going to prison for some lying biatch making up a story bout being raped or whatnot. Again, freaking TF out! I get a phone call after work the next day. The female officer/detective said they would be coming over shortly. I'm figuring I'm going to jail. They show up, come in, and we all have a seat. She says the girl confessed that she made the story up of me forcing her bcoz she was trying to make her husband jealous! 
She continued on that she told the girl that my room mate was HOME, upstairs, when she was there the night before, and heard everything, and that he did NOT hear her screaming "STOP" and "DON'T" as the bitch had told them. Apparently that was the catalyst to get the truth out of her, in which she broke down crying.
I was soooo relieved, yet soooo PISSED off. I asked the officers if she is going to be charged with falsely accusing me & about the money spent to get her stomach pumped and all the BS. She said the girl was going to be charged with something that I don't remember exactly and that it would be on her record. End of the day, of ALLLLLL fuqqing places to be from, the girl was from DENVER, CO!!! 
Goes without saying, that was my LAST time of ever using the personals/classifeds again! It was also the first/last/only time I had ever been with a girl from fuqqing DENVER!
So it was around '95 or '96, there was a years period where we were working a shitload of overtime, including weekends, so I didn't have time to hit the clubs as I usually did to hook up with chics as I often did when younger. Hence, I said wtf, and did that treacherous dive into the newspaper classifieds/personals/dating section. I didn't figure much would come out of it, thinking that it must be a bunch of losers/fatties/ugly girls if they had to resort to the personals, but damn, to my surprise, there was some hotties on there who was tired of the club scene and curious. The personals actually did me pretty well getting laid with no qualms, well, until this ONE girl from hell!
Sooooo, this one girl I hooked up with was a nightmare come true. No shiznit!
A night I'll never forget. We meet at a restaurant, grab a bite to eat and a couple drinks, and ended up going back to my place. We chilling on the couch, watching a movie, and feeling pretty good from the drinks it wasn't long before the clothes come off. As I'm laying on top of her, we're kissing and I start to kiss her boobs. After a few mins, she starts crying, saying she can't do this. She reveals that she is married, but separated and going to get a divorce, but still feels awkward bcoz she hasn't been with another guy in 7 years. So I try to lay the ol' DPH 101 smooth talk on her, saying we don't have to "go all the way". I get us a couple more drinks, we continue kissing, dry humping lol, etc etc. I reach down with my hand and she is soaking wet. So being a gentleman, I ask her if she is OK, if all is cool, and she says yes, but still doesn't want to have sex being this is the first date and again, feeling awkward since it's been such a long time. I said it's all good, and ask her if I can fuq her tits haha. She says it's fine. So I do, and right before I get a nutt, I tell her to open wide, figuring she'd prolly say no, but to my surprise she DID, and I jizzed in her mouth and all over her face.
Afterwards, we talked a bit, and she starts saying about how she feels guilty for what we just did, and that she still loves her husband. I tried to console her telling her that if he still feels the same about her and she does him, they should try to work things out being they've been married for 7 years. So she ends getting ready to leave, no plans to hook up again of course, but everything APPEARED to be on a good note. She thanked me for the evening, food and drinks.
Sooooooooooo, here we go haha! Damn I can laugh now, but at the time I was scared shitless! About 4 AM there is a knock on my front door. It was 2 police officers!
I believe they were detectives - both dressed in suits, no police uniforms. One male, one female. They asked me about the girl - everything from how we met, to what happened when we were together earlier in the evening. Needless to say I was freaking TF out inside, but remained super calm and told them everything in detail. So after they hear everything, the female officer said the girl was at the hospital getting her stomach pumped for evidence!
Her husband was there too. She said the girl had said that I had forced her to perform oral sex on her. THEN, she added that something just didn't seem right about the girls story - that she had some inconsistencies. She then asked me if I had a room mate. I did, but he was out of town at the time. So thinking I'm going to be arrested and going to jail, I was surprised that they told me they would be contacting me the next day. Needless to say I didn't sleep a wink after they left, and thinking about all the stories you hear about innocent guys going to prison for some lying biatch making up a story bout being raped or whatnot. Again, freaking TF out!
I get a phone call after work the next day. The female officer/detective said they would be coming over shortly. I'm figuring I'm going to jail. They show up, come in, and we all have a seat. She says the girl confessed that she made the story up of me forcing her bcoz she was trying to make her husband jealous! She continued on that she told the girl that my room mate was HOME, upstairs, when she was there the night before, and heard everything, and that he did NOT hear her screaming "STOP" and "DON'T" as the bitch had told them. Apparently that was the catalyst to get the truth out of her, in which she broke down crying. I was soooo relieved, yet soooo PISSED off. I asked the officers if she is going to be charged with falsely accusing me & about the money spent to get her stomach pumped and all the BS. She said the girl was going to be charged with something that I don't remember exactly and that it would be on her record. End of the day, of ALLLLLL fuqqing places to be from, the girl was from DENVER, CO!!!
Goes without saying, that was my LAST time of ever using the personals/classifeds again! It was also the first/last/only time I had ever been with a girl from fuqqing DENVER!
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