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Old 06-09-2018, 05:56 PM   #1
chicken_hawk
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Friends...when to throw in the towel?

Hey guys, for those who have been married or divorced after a long marriage you understand that it's work and if you have been together you know there is a low point and then you reach a new understanding and acceptance. For us it was 5 years ago when I decided I would be happier somewhere else. Boy was I wrong, I had everything I wanted all along at home. Its been 21 years, 3 grown boys, bankruptcy and a move 1300 miles away now and there is no looking back.

Fast forward to a younger married couple of four years, ten years younger and with a two year old. We have been friends since shortly after their marriage and initially they came to us for advice, but familiarity brings contempt and when we didn't agree with some of their decisions (they asked and we simply said, we would do it differently) they have not seen us in the same light. Bow worries, if you want a irresponsible frat brother who lives with his parents at 30 and his girlfriend to be the god parents of your child thats your choice, but I think you could make a better one.

Now, from time to time the wife calls my wife and asks her to ask me to talk to the gusband about such and so behavior. Now, I am no one , but I care about these people and when she called last night I said, let him cool down and we can talk tomorrow. We met for beers and lunch and I was kind and said how we were concerned, but is their life and to say nothing if it wasn't my business. He spun a story and by the time I got home the wife was blaming my wife for the esculated situation. Of course we were frustrated and pissed. We have been dealing with these requests for 3 years and doing our best even though we don't want to get involved but the crying and the fear cause us to move.

But, honestly I want to throw in the towel after she said, why did you tell him to lie (sorry I didn't repeat your words verbatim...she asked me to get ahold of him and I said, go find him). Damn, you asked for help, I tried, he yells at you and you blame my wife for s shitty marriage.

Anyway, whem is enough enough? We have been trying for three years and these guys are just faking it, but he is my work out partner and I had to walk away. However, this shit is getting old.

Hawk
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Old 06-09-2018, 07:50 PM   #2
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I would advise a marriage councilor or if they are religious a priest or both. Thye need to be refered to professional help. 3 years of penance is enough.
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Old 06-09-2018, 09:03 PM   #3
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damn tough there, but man you have tried...throw it in...you have to live your life too.
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:02 AM   #4
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If you have to ask, you have reached that point. Their toxic relationship is affecting yours, cut the cord.
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:53 AM   #5
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I understand why he’s pissed: he has a wife betraying the confidence of their relationship and two others participating. Think about it....

But yea if I were you I wouldn’t spend any time on these people and their issues. Asking someone to grow up before they’re willing and able is a big ask. Huge. Unless they’re dying from it they won’t. Then your feelings are hurt also.
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:06 AM   #6
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I find its best to stay out of someone else's circus, not your monkey's. You're asking for trouble it its a constant thing from them. Let them figure it out. It might make you feel better trying to help but in the end they will either figure it out or not.

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Old 06-10-2018, 10:01 AM   #7
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Thanks guys and I mean it. I honestly thought I was helping, but if they aren't willing to change I was just adding fuel to the fire. It sucks to watch but in hind sight I would rather watch a crash than be in one. Lesson learned.

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Old 06-10-2018, 12:49 PM   #8
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If you have to ask, you have reached that point. Their toxic relationship is affecting yours, cut the cord.
Agree with Tommy. Don't let their problems cause issues in your marriage. Cut the cord. Tell them just that. Your problems are not going to cause problems in our marriage. You two need to decide if you love each other and if you do, get your shit together and act like it.
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Old 06-10-2018, 05:30 PM   #9
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Not your problem bro. I'd say the fact your posting this means it's time to throw in the towel. Without knowing the situation, people have to work out their own issues. No one else can do it for them. You may think you're helping but it's only going to put more of a strain on your relationship and your friendship. I would be bullshit also if my girl was asking one of my close friends to get involved in coaching my relationship. It's like a slap in the face. I'd honestly end it right there, if she ever pulled that shit. She shouldn't be asking your wife to get involved in the first place.
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Old 06-10-2018, 05:37 PM   #10
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First I am with Darkness.

Second ask yourself since you have been putting yourself out there for 3 years, have they been taking your advice? If you are offering your best concerned advise and it is being ignored or it isn't producing something helpful, why would you continue to go there?
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Old 06-12-2018, 10:02 AM   #11
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Well, it wasn't like it was every week...maybe once every 6 months or so. But, when a friend asks well you think you should try to help. but it appears that I would have helped best by letting them resolve on their own. At least then they'd have no one to blame but themselves.

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Old 06-12-2018, 10:31 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by chicken_hawk View Post
Thanks guys and I mean it. I honestly thought I was helping, but if they aren't willing to change I was just adding fuel to the fire. It sucks to watch but in hind sight I would rather watch a crash than be in one. Lesson learned.

Hawk
No matter what you do, most likely both will turn on you, or at least blame you.
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Old 06-13-2018, 11:55 AM   #13
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I agree with Darkness.
By the way he knows a priest. Willy boy. Give him a referral to Willie and if the wife is hot you wont be getting calls any more.
Just throwing it out there.
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Old 06-17-2018, 12:00 PM   #14
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I agree with Darkness.
By the way he knows a priest. Willy boy. Give him a referral to Willie and if the wife is hot you wont be getting calls any more.
Just throwing it out there.
Too funny!

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Old 06-17-2018, 12:03 PM   #15
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We met to train this week and he apologized for dragging us in and thanked us for being good friends. Nonethless, i am heading the advice given as it is sound and dont want to be anyones excuse for a fight or divorce.

Hawk
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