Church Announcements

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  • DblDmnGd38

    Church Announcements

    These are hilarious!


    Church Announcement for the Lawd. I tired ta do right second tabernacle by the burning Bush Praise Him on Sunday Drunk on Monday 12th Baptist Church.

    New members are to give their checking and saving account number to the mission sisters upon registration Sis Ida Mae who cleared of all charges of embezzlement, will be taking this information.

    5o Cent CD's in Yolanda Adams jackets will be sold in the fellowshiphall....keep it on the DL....it ain't everybody's business what we do.

    The pastor is asking that everyone who just HAS TOO LAUGH when Ms. Hattie is singing, could you please throw at least one amen in there cuz yall hurting her feelings.

    Our new piano player, Jerome hails from Lulu's House of Chicken and Entertainment. We will be ordering his new rainbow colored piano bench out of money given to the building fund.

    The youth Choir will be putting on their annual play. This year they will be performing, "My Momma Didn't Steal Yo' Check. "We are asking in advance that Lil Maria not singing the lead. Face it Big Maria, ya' child can't sing.

    Now let's consider this matter closed and not brought up again, especially in the presence of the children.

    Anyone looking to join the "Wesss~Siiide Afro Mass Choir" must attend the meeting in the back of the fellowship hall. Bring 2 pictures before and after Fro to put in the new members bulletin. Picks will be supplied by the President.

    If you aint been to church in 6mths you are considered a visitor. So when the time comes, please stand! Some people don't like when we start singing, "It's Some Visitors In this House, When You See E'm Point 'Em Out!! Save yourself the embarrassment.

    We are having a Bake Sale next Saturday. If you see your name don't bother to bring anything. The church does not have "diarrhea" insurance and is tired of being sued.

    Sista Jenkins, Sista Martin, Sista Lattimo' ( she don't like to be
    called Lattimore), Sista Beulah and the lady who's always smiling (sorry sista we don't know your name)

    It has been brought to Pastor's attention that some of the members thinks it's okay to take off their shoes in church. Stank feet makes it impossible to concentrate on the Word!

    We will be taking up collection for the Pastor's Gold Teeth Fund. He will be having them polished and will be adding two more...Hallelujah!

    The deadline for entering the Big Hat contest has passed so ladies and Jerome, please stop wearing your big hats. The people behind you can't see.

    Anyone caught eating in the church will be asked to leave if they didn't bring enough for the pastor's wife. Yall know she greedy and it just ain't right to tempt her.

    Usher's we don't mind you doing the prep when marching in front of the choir, but we do ask that you take the "hand in your face" step. a few ladies have been complaining about their wigs being knocked off.


    The church annual anniversary dinner..... We are serving punch, fried chicken, greens and corn bread. The price is $50.00 per plate and we do not accept checks or credit cards. Don't forget to come early, you know them

    The End of the Announcements
    May God Bless Ya!
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