longer I stay clean, harder it seems to get ?

theartofwar

theartofwar

Joined
Feb 15, 2010
Messages
272
I fully understand 8 years of daily opiate addiction upwards of 1.2-1.6 grams of oxycontin and or H will take it's toll. But seriously, post accute withdrawal symptoms are no sbullshit. I remind myself where I was , now where I am. My life is not perfect but I have a wonderful girl, and I'm on my way for my PT license - taking that and going with it wherever it opens. I'd love ideally to get into physical therapy.

This is more a vent than anything, and a warning. I remember when I was 15 and my wisdom teeth got yanked... those few days i felt like "why doesn't the government give this to anyone whose depressed or has anxiety" (I have acute PTSD). Man I wish I had just taken tylenol. But fuck hindsight - i just needed to get it off my chest no matter how far I come this WILL be a part of me I have to chose each day to LEAVE the fuck alone.

Sorry to rant out but fuck, it makes me feel like an utter joke no matter how much i achieve now legally.
 
oc's are no joke bro. they are fucking up everything all over the country. I have lost many friends because of them. they get hooked and then no longer can afford the oc's so they switch to heroin. There's not many options when you're down that road. Get clean, prison, or death, and getting clean is highly unlikely so consider yourself fortunate that you are where you are today. oxy's need to stop being produced. plain and simple, they are destroying so many more lives than they are saving. Stay positive, and be happy for what you have today.
 
Agreed with b52...shits no joke.

However, I disagree that oxys in general need stop being produced. Oxycodone is great with helping alleviate major pain. Been there, done that. It comes down to not going overboard with it - use, NOT abuse. For some that may be easier said than done. But I know from personal experience with percs & vics, if one can USE them for pain, and NOT keep taking more and more just to get that "buzz", then all is cool. Perhaps some people have that addiction factor in their genes...I dunno. I myself can thank GOD that I never did get addicted to them or vics, and I have had my share over the years fosho when I had sciatica killing me! It all comes down to that same cliche, be it so true - use, DONT abuse.

AOW, you have come a long way brutha. If you can't handle it, then perhaps you need to get away from an environment that presents the drug scene ever so easily. Like for example, didn't you say before that you bounce at a club often? That is definitely not cool being in your situation dude omg! :eek: Things like that...make some adjustments. Changing your surroundings and who you hang out with will help BIGTIME! Best of luck brah. :)
 
I feel that brothers thank you - I was realy heated last night. I've gotten a naloxone (sp) implant the other week even after months off just because shit was becoming a twisty road.
OC's have a proper place, much better than opanas or roxis (yes roxis same active ingredient but you don't need acetic acid , or a patch of sower patch kids to break through the "new" purdue time release).. I know term ill patients that simply put would be in horrific pain without these drugs.
That being said, look how long it took me to break purdues "time release" on the new oxycontin - it's fucking stupid, they make this - comes out of every other country via internet boom, our streets are flooded.
Dawgpound thanks bro, the last week i changed my number, and my house number both are private. Well i was careless enough to let ONE wrong person get my number "ring ring" - so fuck that I just ordered a new phone and anyone of the 20 people on it who gives out the number im knocking em out fuckin cold. Tired of waking up to "im good" "allset" "come thru" - day after day after day - i say fuck off, fuck off, these people don't give a fuck about any of us, they just want their investment. Wallstreet already got a bailout, I'm not giving these faggots one.
peace
 
Yes i do agree about it being used for terminally ill patients. However, IMO I think the drug is doing way more harm than it is good. I understand it is a miracle drug for some, but just seeing what it can do, I just think it would be better off not being produced. It has gotten way out of hand more than any other drug out there, and i think that something needs to be done. It is too easy for people to get them. Doctors prescribe them like candy.
 
b52 said:
Yes i do agree about it being used for terminally ill patients. However, IMO I think the drug is doing way more harm than it is good. I understand it is a miracle drug for some, but just seeing what it can do, I just think it would be better off not being produced. It has gotten way out of hand more than any other drug out there, and i think that something needs to be done. It is too easy for people to get them. Doctors prescribe them like candy.
Click to expand...

It's the doctors bro - that and the internet - you know recently I've had knee surgery I've had serious back problems .... everytime , roxis , methadones - all thrown at me. I WROTE on the paper at ortho in the box that says "have you previously had an addiction to pain killers" - "YES" . The doctor was ready to write it up anyway because he asked how long I had been clean and I told him...I was like apparently you are a good ortho but not very bright with addiction. On my street theirs a stop sign and a no oxy sign... it's fucking depressing seeing all my friends OD'ing and falling off.

I'm glad I'm not a part of it, but it's amazing how I remember the euphoria and not the hell it put me through. This shit flatlined me, and i still went right back. Only thing that keeps me going now is my own damn self - you have to do it for yourself. Sometimes i just gotta vent cuz fuck it man, i do want to get high, i want to 5 days outta the week - but i still haven't and won't again. It's poison for me.
And fuck purdue w/their new blend of time released oxycottin it's jsut a plastic polymer like XR released amphetamines - fucking morons should be sued.
 
I feel you being an ex-addict myself. Congrats on your progress man. It's not easy completely leaving this life style for one such as this, geared towards health and fitness.
 
^ gear is a key word. My personality is a stubborn type a bastard - all or nothing. Was that way w/the dope game and now I devote myself to the gym. Im working my way through the 12 weeks of ACE personal training cert - and just trying to learn learn learn.

Idle hands are horrible for me - I lived for 8 years running around all day and night to keep on top of my fix , I know from therapy I'm all about chaos - living a sane stable life is almost torture at times. I feel like a dog with an electric fence. But I've fully accepted their is only one way to move forward - and I have good things in life now, I appreciate life now, although it's dull in some regards I see it getting better so I keep my faith in what I'm doing and plug away.
 
I played with pain meds myself at one time - they are the beginning to a never ending fall though - glad I stay away now
 
I have struggled with my own addictions with that stuff. It seemed like an easy way to forget about things that were bothering me. But I have learned the best way to get over things are to accept them and to overcome them in the gym. Cause you have to talk about things that bother you.

Best of Luck to you
 
yeah I feel that cable_guy , no matter what happens paws are a bitch (post acute withdrawal symptoms) and I still haven't managed to kick those , always end up dicking around and the cycle starts again. I just try to make it longer apart - that's how I measure success with it. I'm a realist, I don't know if i'll ever be free from this shit frankly, anyone whose ever had an addiction knows what that's about.
 
It might never leave bro, maybe. But that doesn't need to hold you back in life, there's more to you than being an ex user
 
agreed , i'm venting bro - I've learned a lot from my using. Nothing can show you your true colors like an addiction. You learn a lot about who you really are, what you really value.
 
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