TheChosen1
Vet
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2004
- Messages
- 150
13 Reasons to Smile
[1] Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
[2] Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
[3] I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
[4] How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
[5] A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"
[6] I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
[7] When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
[8] Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.
[9] Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
[10] Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
[11] Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
[12] Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
[13]Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
[1] Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
[2] Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
[3] I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
[4] How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
[5] A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"
[6] I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
[7] When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
[8] Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.
[9] Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
[10] Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
[11] Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
[12] Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
[13]Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
