She started again with the mouth today, and when she said, "I'm going to kick you in the shin," that was it, I put her over my knee and smacked her behind five times. She went screaming to her room, slamming doors and such. I followed her then gave her a quick two cents. Later she calmed down and we read two books together. I told her we're going to function on a caught-you-being-good merit system. She earns a certain amount of merits and gets a prize, toy, privelege, etc. Later she threw another fit and I started docking her merits, at the closing bell she owes me five.
Tomorrow, I will work on the specifics of the plan, but for now, both my wife and I agree we can't unleash her onto society without her taking accountability for her actions.
Thanks for your help.
I would think honestly about NOT rewarding here for normal behavior. I would use a system of taking away things.
The spanking was really good. But if you don't break a child's will it seems to make them worse.
And by "will" I mean they cry. They feel like they've won. For most kids it doesn't take a beating to make break their will/cry. Just firm discipline that exposes their mistake and the repercussion of it.
I know it's tough . But I think you've made this bed you have to lay in. Still better late than never.
With my first little girl who I hadn't been around until she was 4 y/o it was especially hard. I had the grandmother who had custody of her, due to the murder of the child's mom, sabotaging me at every turn.
She told me she hated me daily. Said I abandoned her and that I hated her mom. On & on repeating what her despicable grandmother told her because she didn't want her to become close to me(as bad as I hated that old bitch, I never said it in front of my daughter.. IMO it is one of the worst things you can do).
She gave me the usual of how she didn't have to mind me. She was beyond her years in intelligence so I had to deliver discipline that corresponded.
I told her, " You will not tell me you hate me. You may think it. But you will not say it. You will not tell me 'no'. Whether you see me as your father or not doesn't matter. If you are with me, you will mind me. If you do not mind, I may warn you once, maybe even twice. After that I will either spank your bottom or make you stand in the corner or both."
This was after several incidents . I didn't want to spank her because I wanted to be close to her.
Things didn't get better until I did just exactly as I told her I would.
When she told me I wasn't her dad just her biological father and she hated me, I swatted her butt. She did it again, same thing. She cried and said it again . I let her know she I had time to give her whippins all day if that's what she wanted. Then I stood her in the corner. She said she wouldn't stand in the corner.. she got more of the same.
Finally she begin sobbing and said she knew I didn't love her and she knew I hated her too.
Thing is she was hugging me and then she told me she loved me and was sorry. And for a little while things went well. Not that she didn't need corrected. But the old' evil tyrants sabotage sessions kicked back in and there was always the pre-day undoings to contend with.
So I know it's a bitch but if you don't get a handle on her behavior now, never wavering from your duty as a parent, you damn sure won't once she becomes a teenager!
Anyhow., you have to be consistent. It's best if you can show displeasure with out anger. It's harder to do than say. But it's much better.
I firmly believe you shouldn't whip a kid when your really angry at them.
